The Good news is that I just finished editing one of my novella Driving Lies: Novella 1, and I hope to have Melzela corrected. This means I should have both of them on Amazon by July or August. It just depends on my motivation.
Speaking of motivation. . . it has been hard to maintain my motivation. I have serious depression, but I know if I go to a shrink that they will shove some damn pills down my throat. I know those pills will make me go one of two ways. . . they will numb me and silence my muse, which will make me go crazy, or they will emphasis my negative thoughts and make me worst than I am now. (Now come to think of it, both paths pretty much lead to a bad place.) My writing is the biggest release, so if I lost it, I would not want to live with me.
Writing with depression can be a pain. . . there are some days where I have 50 billion ideas stuck in my head, but I have no motivation to get to my computer and type. There are days where I look at my editing or a blank page and want to cry. There are days where everything distracts me and I get maybe a sentence or if I am really lucky a paragraph written. (Like today. . . I’m totally distracted.)
There are times where the demons in my head tell me:
“What is the point? You won’t finish your series and if you do it’s not good enough to be mainstream published?”
“You’re just not good enough, not unique enough.”
These “demons” can be louder than my muses, than my characters. One of them create red marks on story ideas that I haven’t thought to put to paper or screen yet. I just need to get these damned bitter demons out of my head. The worst part about it is that stress, worry, and frustration just make them stronger. I should write about them, but I am juist distracted again, damnit!
Okay, I wanted to publish this blog yesterday, but obliviously that did not happen. (Damn distaractions. Then once I finished with the distractions and made dinner. . . I passed out, exhausted.) It’s some of their ammo. . . distractions and depression. I need to find a way to destroy these both. . . any ideas?