In the mind of a Writer

Archive for September, 2012

Sick of Negativity

 I guess I am not the only one getting negative criticism for my hard labored novel. I understand where the criticism come from with my work: it’s just bad grammar. My biggest habit is leaving out words, and then people have a hard time understanding the idea. My brain works a million times faster than my fingers; (I’m thinking of getting a verbal program where I can dictate my words into my story, maybe then I won’t forget so many words.)
To my current and future readers, I’m sorry about my grammar and I’m trying to find an editor that can help me find my mistakes.
I will always admit I am story-teller first and a writer second. I can’t even consider myself an editor, because it is so far deep into the list, most people have stopped listening.

 I was on one of my many facebook writing groups called WriMore International. (It got started because of NaNoWriMo last year.) I love this group, because I feel I can relate to many of the people there. There was a young woman who posted she was receiving negative criticism with her work, and she asked how do others writer bounce back? I wrote:
First of all, I think every writer needs to write for themselves first. You need to be inspired by the story and enjoy what you do. (I will admit, there may be a time or two where it feels like work, but overall, you must enjoy what you do.)
Secondly, there are many people that put others down, because they are bitter or jealous or both. I think you just need to have a party with your muses and enjoy the writing that you have.
Story-telling and writing are fun to me; I enjoy it . . . if my readers just can’t like my stories, the I will have to find other readers. . . there are 6 billion people in the world. There are at least a dozen or more who will like my work. . . that is how I go on.

 

I’ve actually read more negative things about writing lately than positive. People putting down NaNoWriMo and writing novels to be begin with. I have seen several blogs that mention about all of these amateur writers who say they are writing a novel, but never finish it. (In fact, when I talk about writing a novel, I always get certain people I know stating that they are writing one as well or that they have this awesome half of chapter written. I would have to say out of all the people who want to write a novel only half even attempt it, and probably half of that even finish the first draft. However ¾ of them brag about having a novel idea in their head.)
I have several projects finished, and I million more that need to be finished, and a billion more ideas. . . are they all brilliant? No, but they are a start. (I know many people who have finished projects and who are ready for publishers to read their work. I also know many people who are working with publishers and working on book tours. As a struggling writers, these people can be frustrating that their work is already out in the world, but the writing race is with yourself.)
I can’t say much about those who can’t finish the thing they start. I’m very big procrastinator myself, in fact, I have dishes sitting in the sink waiting to get washed. However I think with several of the supportive groups on facebook, finishing anything is very possible. (As soon as this blog is finished, I will wash my dishes and then enjoy a cup of hot cocoa.)

 I think that NaNoWriMo is there to motivate people, it’s push them to go out and do something. Will all of the stories from NaNoWriMo be of Stephen King or Anne Rice quality? No.
Will they be ready to print on November 30th? Majority of them no; in fact 95% of them will need to be edited before they even get sent to createspace.com or any other publisher out there.

 

The things I really like about NaNoWriMo are:

  • It makes people motivated: rewards and bragging rights.
  • There is a support system: groups and forums.
  • It is open to everyone.
  • It helps you figure out goals and to be organize. I have learned the more organized I am, but faster I achieve my goals. It gives you a big goal 50,000 words in 30 days. It is possible; I have done it twice.
  • Your first draft is NOT supposed to look pretty. You are supposed to overwrite; overwriting helps you remember all of the details.

 

Here are a few other pieces of advice. . .

  • For anyone out there who wants to write, write.
  • Do it for you first. If you don’t enjoy what you are doing, then why are you doing it?
  • Being weird is apart of the creative process.
  • You will get good comments and negative criticism; take what you can from both and improve yourself. (I love a good comment, but I think you learn more from the criticism. No one is perfect, so there is always room for improvement.)
  • If you expect to make lots of money writing, then stop writing now and go college and become a business major or sell insurance it’s huge right now. Most writers do NOT make the millions of dollars unless you have unique idea that can eventually be turned into a movie and amusement park. LOL Remember writing is art with words; many writers don’t become truly famous until they are older or dead.

Last Episode

Normally, I would just write my dreams in my dream journal, at http://www.livejournal.com or http://ww.dreamjournal.net (Livejournal isn’t loading correctly.)

However this dream helped me break my writer’s block I have had since the beginning of June. It started Jensen Ackles from Supernatural (Dean Winchester). I just wanted to say that this is all fiction and for all of those fans mad at me for what I do, just remember it’s just a dream. (I heard that both Jensen and Jared signed up for Supernatural until season 10.)

 Last Episode

We were standing in the drizzling rain, I faced him in pure dread. I didn’t want to do it; I knew I wasn’t supposed to do it . . . it went against everything I believed in life and on the show.

I wasn’t an actress; I was just a writer. In fact, a character like me would have been crushing on him, not having him fall in love with me. I was the opposite of his wife in reality with her natural brunette hair and natural reddish highlights, and her curves just barely flow on her low fat body. Voluptuous was nice way to describe me, but I think one could get lost and tired trying to follow my many extra curves.

I stood in Jensen’s modern trailer moments before with a carrier and three cups of coffee. I had gotten a call from the director the night before to be on the set before 5 in the morning. However I got a text from the actor Jensen Ackles telling me to meet him and Jared Padalecki before the show. I knew I walking into something that wasn’t right as I wasn’t invited to any of the script meetings that week.

“Did you write this?” Jensen questioned throwing the script in my face.

“No, I haven’t been going to the meetings since they had me fill in the extra flirt in episode 18.” I explained. They needed to prove that Dean was driven by a lust driven ghost and then director threw me in when their full-bodied actress never showed. They knew I knew the line since I wrote it and had practiced it with Jensen during lunch that day.

“I was just told to stick around; they even paid for my hotel. I have been working my own writings for the last three weeks.” I babbled, so confused.

“Check this out,” Jared gave me the numbered pages for the script. It explained that I supposedly followed the Winchesters and eventually killed Dean. I wasn’t possessed, or Lucifer’s puppet . . . I was just a crazed fan. We were all dumbfounded to have the series and Dean’s character die like that.

“I never thought I would write for this show; I certainly never thought of acting in it.” I’m not sure how I managed to get the words out of the frozen shocked lips.

“They even want me to call down on Castiel, but we all know there is nothing he will be able to do.” Jared added frustrated. Tears started to flow from my eyes knowing I couldn’t control them; I wanted to just bust out of the door and run. Jensen noticed my tears and could just sense the tension and fear, but he just grabbed his coffee. He grabbed the script back.

“I am serious when I ask this: Did you sleep with him?” We all knew he didn’t mean actual sleep and Jensen and I knew that Jensen met that he referred to the director that got selected for this last episode.

“No,” I stopped as the memories all flooded my head. From the first time I meant Jensen on the cruise ship to the dinner that saved the director’s ass and got me my writing job.

“How did you even get on the writing Team?” Jensen grabbed a few of his gummy candies and sat down with his coffee on his leather couch.

“It was the same cruise when I met you. On Wednesday, it was just before dinner, I couldn’t find my boyfriend and he couldn’t find his mistress. However his wife showed up having her hangover wore off, so I created an excuse saying that my boyfriend was sick. However my boyfriend ordered dinner in our room with his mistress saving his ass. His wife felt sorry for me, so she invited me to be at their table. I explained I was paranormal writer and next thing I know several weeks later I got a job working with the script writing team.” I added sugar and flavored creamer to my coffee.

“So, I take it, there is no getting out of this. Ten years of paranormal craziness, and it ends in the hands of a crazed fan. I think it’s kind of a let down.” I sighed. I didn’t want to do it; it would make me the villain of all villains; I would slain what even the demons could barely touch.

“This is just one scene, where is the rest?” I asked not sure what the pressure of what the whole show was about. Jared grabbed his coffee before pulling out a small pile of bound pages. I look throughout the script where it starts out in the town of their old house. They were in a diner discussing about what to do now. Dean wanted to travel and see if their was more cases, but Sam just wanted to be normal as if the last several years never happened. I loved the first scene because it was them in their truest forms. Dean said the only way to keep him there was if a true woman loved him for all that he was a paranormal James-dean hunter. He had his sharp edges and she wasn’t allowed to wear him down. However even he knew time was slowly doing that. He knew a woman would be the death of him, spirit-wise, no one knew it would be true physically as well.

“There is a love scene on page 29.” Jensen was cold and almost nervous.

“What?” I was shocked. I couldn’t see any character I was playing having a love scene with Dean. It’s not that haven’t tried picturing myself with either character as both are very attractive and alluring, but lets get to reality here. A writer who has only had two acting classes in her life (which she wasn’t very attentive to either one) now is acting in a show with an extremely high and loyal fan base. She has to make love to an actor that has bronze abs and play-it-cool attitude: honestly, what was the writer and director on?

“Are either one of you okay with this?” They both knew I was apprehensive and bashing myself under the questions.

“We don’t even have much say in this.” Jared stated.

“Yeah, lets just get this over with. I better things do to with my time than fight him about it.” Jensen snapped.

“Jensen’s upset, because they didn’t let him direct or accept his idea of a time switch as if the demon never got his blood in Sam. Their mother still lived and their father was still alive, because they asked him to stay home and he never died as well.” Jared explained proud of the answer.

“Jared, stop.” Jensen didn’t want the idea brought to any possible thought. There was a knock on the door.

“It’s open,” Jensen stated. The door opened and the director came in as he noticed I was there with a script in my hands.

“Well, I see that you heard about your role in the script.” I just nodded at the director’s words.

“I really don’t think this is right. Dean shouldn’t die this way.” I felt it some way they were mocking their fans.

“Well, I can get someone else.” the director had a cockiness in his voice.

“No, I want her.” Jensen stated as I looked in his eyes, horrified. I was shocked that he had wanted me. I understand we had grown in friendship over the last season.

I stood in the drizzle, my hair damp, the water just made his eyes seem to sparkle more. He walked by me and whispered in my ear: “You can do this; I believe in you.”

“Follow my lead,” I whispered; he got to his x. He stood there; for several seconds time stopped. I could feel the heat of his eyes on me, the mixture of hazel and gray: the color changing with the lights.

“Ready. . . Set . . . Action,” The director shouted.

“I don’t want to do this,” I stated as everyone was unsure if I was being me or the character. I was told you needed to be believable when you act, so that what was doing. The assistant was going to stop me, but I could see from the corner of my eye the director stopped him waiting for Jensen’s response.

“You said yourself, ‘It has to be done.’” I stared at him in shaking holding the gun filling with blanks. I followed the script with the next line:

“You never could love someone like me,” the words just fell off my lips as I was playing the scene in my head before it hit camera.

“I could easily say the same thing.” He bounced his line back. I could see the grinning director.

The scene was supposed to go like this.

“Why did you do it then?” I preferred to the sex we had in the previous scene which we hadn’t acted in yet. I thought the line was vague.

“I had needs. When I need something, I take it; it’s who I am.” Jensen felt like Dean would never say it like that. He was too cool for that.

So this is how the went. I felt since the scene needed something strong I improvised hoping that Jensen would play along.

“At least we had one moment together that wasn’t tainted, right?” I was referring to the purest moments where I helped him with lines between takes. My character referred to the sex scene.

“I don’t regret it.” His words were nervous and reserved. He slightly smiled.

“Don’t do that, don’t smile. I’m about to kill you.” I paused for affect.

“Why aren’t you barraging for your own life?”

“Sam will save me; he always saves me. I save him; he saves me; it’s kind of our thing,” Jensen had a cockiness in his voice as if he changed from the actor to the character with one smile and line.

“That will be kind of hard, with him unconscious and tied up in the basement of your old house,” I laughed slightly only because I believed it would make the character seem a bit more psychotic. He smile faded having fear fill his eyes making me nervous again.

“Again, I don’t want to do this, but if I can’t have you, then no one will.” I was strong in my words as he fell to his knees the mud being caked in his ripped jeans.

“All you have to do is say that you will stay with me, and this can all go away.” I tweaked the line, making it better.

“I’m not like the Dean Winchester in those damn books: I am real, I bleed, I have night terrors. Whiskey is my only medicine. What you want is a story book character to sweep you off of your feet.” Jensen looked at me knowing I wanted to hug him, hold him. I swallowed.

“I need someone real, but the truth is you will never be tame. You will always flirt with the bartender and always play on the edge. You would secretly hate me to keep you in one place. However if I can’t have you, no one will.”

“Any last words?” I held the gun with both hands at Jensen’s heart.

“I regret nothing, but Sam’s bad timing.” Jensen laughed. I looked at Jensen through the alignment of the gun and slowly pulled the trigger. There was a bang sound.

“And cut.” the director stated.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Jensen laughed; I rolled my eyes. He hugged me.

“We needed to end it.” He whispered. I just wondered why did I have to do it (especially when I didn’t want to watch the show at first.)

By the way, I also heard that in the very end Sam is supposedly to die in a crash, because he was distraut over his brother’s death.